A walking paradox. I treasure the time in the gatherings of many. Though my time alone becomes increasingly critical to my health…emotional, physical, spiritual. My growing distaste of small talk and materiality is at a tipping point. So much of it serves to veil the deep passions and the trials of those around me. I avoid the very places I used to love for an absolute fear of the same introductions followed by the same topics and the same questions and the same looks that bounce around a room with kinetic–or should I say pathetic–energy.
They…we… mean well. Its manners, I guess. But, I find myself shying away. And I’m not shy. I find myself more in retreat. I typically swan dive into life. Is this a primer for a life of a recluse? A proverbial Howard Hughes.
I don’t think so.
A signal adjustment is in order. I feel restored when I stand before a piece of art; when I listen to a song with story layered on thoughtful melody; when I notice the tone and inflection in another’s voice in conversation…and the meaning in their eyes; when words of poetry have so much life I might as well be reading in brail and feeling each word; when I am on a bike in the woods hearing the crackling mulch under the wheels or on my kayak in the marsh; when I sit quietly and scratch the bridge between my loyal pup’s nose and forehead (R.I.P. Tybee).
No computer. No phones. No “i” anything. Some hardbacks, my first guitar, a bike, a boat, and this old body carrying a mind too full and a spirit needing to be filled.
Not seeking an epiphany. Not expecting an Oprah moment of discovery or Maslow’s self-actualization. Just peace of mind. I expect to run and purge. I expect to rid myself of any demons of cynicism that try to create a beachhead against my joy. This is a life of joy.
Ride. Dive. Swim. Sing. Be quiet and let it in.
2 thoughts on “Sean’s Journal: Solitude”
Time for a cool change…I think it is critical to have alone time, not just to reset the hard drive, but because it is essential to enjoy spending time with yourself. Enjoy your beach time 🙂
You lost Tybee?! Oh, man…I am so sorry. May your time at the beach bring you the shift and the clarity you seek. May you return brimming with joy and music and sporting
a shiny, happy countenance!